Not All Submissives Are Girls

**Editor’s note: This column may contain content that is offensive to some people.

First of all before I get into the core of today’s topic, I know that there have been people who haven’t been too happy with what I write about. Well, I want to point out that the Leather culture IS a subculture of the gay community. However, not everyone participates in it and that’s okay. Just as there are other subcultures within the broader gay community we are just a small part of the overall picture. What I write about is what this lifestyle is about and if you’re interested, please read. If this is something you find offensive, then don’t read. But remember, we are a small part of the broader LGBT community. This lifestyle is something that does exist; I’m just trying to help educate folks about it.

    Now, having said that, on to the topic at hand. Recently I heard something that is happening within the BDSM community and I would like to address it. Currently an incorrect impression is going around that all Dominants are men and all submissives are girls. Well, I’m here to tell you that kind of thinking is one, wrong, and two archaic.

    Where do you think Dominatrix’s come from?! They are Dominant women. Hello!! And that only girls can be submissive? WHAT?! What century or country are you living in? Brownbackistan?

    From the beginning of the Leather and BDSM cultures, submissives can be anyone, men or women. And in the Leather community it was always men because that culture was totally men in the beginning. So if your machismo is so fragile that you don’t think you can be a submissive, then you need to really think and get in touch with yourself. I’ve always advocated that in order to be a good (and I mean a REALLY good) Dominant you need to have, at some time, experienced being a submissive.

    Submission and submissive-type personalities come in all kinds. There are individuals who love helping and serving others.  There are all types of persons who like and enjoy submitting to someone or something. There are also situations where someone may have to just because of life. Employees submit to their bosses and people with strong religious beliefs submit to their god and religion are some examples. There is nothing wrong with any of these. There are all types of things that show various types of submission within our lives. Just stop and look around. Think of it this way; it’s like a pet who submits to their owner (unless you own a cat!).

    So if you don’t think you are submissive and that you are always dominant, then I suggest you re-evaluate your life. Every one of us has to submit to something. Government, work, family.

    There are clubs in the larger cities that are referred to as Dominatrix bars/clubs. It’s where Dominant women meet submissive men. What is interesting about these clubs, is that the submissive men are mostly made up of corporate executives. They are people who are in charge of lots of people and lots of things on a daily basis. However, they crave and desire to have something in their lives where someone else dictates to them and they are not the ones having to make the decisions.

    So no, not everyone who is a submissive is a girl. And no, not everyone who is a submissive is a boy. That’s the glory of this lifestyle, there are all sorts of people doing all sorts of things that make them happy and to free themselves from the confines of life. If you are a type of personality that loves to help, who loves to serve, who loves being in service to others, then embrace it and live your life the way that makes you happy.  

    If your service personality includes serving an individual, then you may want to look more into the kinky lifestyle. We are not ALL about sex, we are also about a lifestyle where we help service individuals learn how to be a good submissive. If you want to know more, please contact me or come to a WOOLF meeting. l

28-Feb-18 14

Marcia McCoy, Ph.D.

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