Editor’s note: This column may contain content that is offensive to some people.

Many people are not aware that the Leather community has rules that we follow. Some of these are based on the military rules and hierarchy from which we evolved. Others have been created so that we can keep ourselves safe. However, sometimes over time, some of the rules are forgotten or ignored.

    The Wichita Leather community has worked extensively over the last 10 years to re-establish these rules from our history. These are sort of our way to structure ourselves. The problem is that some people just simply ignore the rules and are all about just playing or giving themselves a title to which they are not entitled too. For some it’s an ego boost, for others it’s a way to attract someone to play with.

    Just as in the military you don’t get to be a General without hard work and proving to others that you can do the job. We have that same rule in the leather community, you work hard so that the community is willing to recognize you for your achievements.

    There are many folks across the country that follow this. But there are others who do not. They see folks with a title or a community status recognition and they want it too. We see this same thing in the vanilla job and work market, they want the big title (CEO), but don’t want to work their way up to it.

    So this is why we ask people to check out folks before playing with them. To protect yourself. You need to make sure that the person you are involved with or you want to play with is someone who people in the community respect. This is just another of the unspoken rules that everyone needs to follow whether you’re in the Leather community, the BDSM community, or the general community at-large. Always check out who you are involved with.

    So what are some of the rules other than the ones implied above? Well, another is Safe, Sane and Consensual. We recommend that everyone, leather or non-leather always plays safe, always plays sane and always has consent.

    Another is what we call a safe call. It’s a phone call you make to a designated person who is expecting your call AFTER you have played, dated, or been to see someone. It’s a call you make to let your friend know you are okay and safe. We use it a lot in our community and it’s something everyone in every community should use.

    Another very important item, one that every relationship (gay, straight, kinky) should use, is negotiation/communication. Talk about who’s going to do what, what you’re going to do, what are the do’s, what are the don’ts. Therapists from across the country have stated that BDSM/Leather relationships are healthier because they have this communication.

    And the most important rule we have is the use of a safe word. This is a word that you can easily remember that when used, whatever type of play or sex you are doing STOPS. My boys and I use Red, Yellow and Green. Easy to remember, easy to know what they stand for, and not something that we would use in a play session.

    So as you can see, we are not just all fun and games. We are not what you see in the porn videos. We have a structure, we have rules, we have a defined sense of play. And many of these are things you can use in your everyday life. Simply, they could be called life rules. They are things to keep you safe and protected. And in this world today, THAT’S really important.

    So if you are interested in learning more about our community, to learn any specific type of play or to learn about what rules we abide to, come look us up. WOOLF meets every 4th Saturday at 5pm for a munch at Club Boomerang and then meets at 7pm at The Center for a class. Check us out at for more information or a way to contact one of our members. See you soon at a kinky event coming your way. l

28-Feb-18 14

Marcia McCoy, Ph.D.

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