Editor’s note: This column may contain content that is offensive to some people.
Last month I talked about some general rules that are in used in the leather community. This month and next month, I’d like to talk about specific rules for submissives and Dominants. The basic rule for a submissive is: to honor, serve, and obey; and to give your heart, life and soul to your Sir or Ma’am.
Now realize that there are two types of submissives, service submissives and play/scene submissives. Let me explain the difference before I get into their rules.
Service submissives are individuals who get satisfaction, fulfillment and enjoyment from serving other individuals. They love to serve. We see this type of personality all the time in the general world and community. These are the individuals who love to help others and serve on various church and social committees. We have those same people who love to serve here in the leather community, but the only difference is that they have a kinky side to their sexual life.
Play/scene submissives are those individuals who love to be in a submissive role when they do kinky play or scenes. These individuals also like to be the recipient of various types of play that we do. Often referred to as bottoms, they get their thrills and kicks from various types of play.
So what are the rules for these individuals? Well primary rule #1 in my book is that when in the negotiation, communicate with the person. Tell them of any and ALL medical or health issues. They need to know so they can properly play without causing damage to you. Tell them if you have experience with that type of play or not. Express any concerns about the play/scene you are going to do. Talk about your fantasies so they have an idea of what needs to happen so that the scene happens with enjoyment.
I get my boys to talk about what they fantasize about and then store that away for future use and try and make it happen for them. Nothing is worse than a scene that does not fulfill the submissive’s desires. So communicate, communicate, communicate.
Define and express your safe word. Agree in advance. Nothing goes worse than a submissive screaming their safe word and the Dom is going like what?!
Expounding on the honor, serve, obey, give your heart, life, soul. One of the greatest joys for most submissives is the joy of having a Sir/Ma’am and serving that individual. To give themselves to that person for pleasure and to receive in return a fulfillment of their deepest sexual desires. Nothing is more satisfying to me than to have a submissive wrapped in my arms sobbing because I have given them a deep satisfaction from the type of play we just finished (but then again, I also get total satisfaction from when a submissive gives me a “go to h*** you sadist S.O.B.” look from the type of play we just finished).
But something special and wonderful occurs when a submissive reaches that point in the relationship where they truly embrace the honor, serve and obey and they have given their heart, life and soul to making sure their Dom is totally satisfied. Because there is truly something special between a Dom and their sub. So when a submissive has reached and embraced that primary rule, they truly understand what it is to be a submissive on a deeper and more profound level.
But what does it mean to honor your Dom? It means to always show respect to them and for them. Because a Sir doesn’t look good if the boy doesn’t look good. (or Ma’am, girl). Serve your Dom, as I stated earlier, there are many people who get great enjoyment from serving another. When that deep commitment occurs between a Dom and a sub, it’s even a greater enjoyment. And obey, doing what your Dom commands. This can create a very hot and very sexy situation between the two individuals. Watching someone command another and that person obeys without question is what got me into this lifestyle. I found that type of interaction between two individuals to be absolutely the hottest thing I’ve ever seen.
Last but not least, to give your life, your heart and your soul to your Sir/Ma’am. This is the ultimate in that deep commitment I referred too. This is where individuals will find satisfaction beyond anything they have ever experienced. Because there is no greater love than when a person lays down their life for another. To give your life, your heart and your soul is to do just that. As a submissive, you are willing to give your life for your Dom.
These are just some of the rules (also called protocols) that we have in our community. There are many others, but too many to list here. Just think of the various military rules and you will have a good idea of these other rules. If you are interested in learning more about being a submissive or what it takes to be a submissive and you want to experience satisfaction in your life, come check us out. We are WOOLF, Wichita’s leather organization. l