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Have a question for Mama? E-mail MamaTHarper@aol.com or friend Thelma Harper on Facebook.

Mama Knows Best - Oct 2015

Dear Mama,
Where are you on Facebook? I tried to find you and now you’re not on there! Searching

I am glad you asked me this question. It seems the morons of Facebook decided I am not real so they deleted my account. I even spoke with a Facebook representative and explained that I entertain and write this column. They do not care. If your account is not a real person and you cannot provide an I.D. saying the name you use on Facebook, then you are deleted and all your stuff including pictures will be gone. So, a word of caution to all the entertainers and others not using your real name, Facebook will eventually delete your account too! BEWARE! It should be called Jerkbook! Give me a beer Iola!

Mama,
I hear you’re getting hitched, is this true? Waiting for an invite

Alright listen up all you children! I am not getting hitched, but my alter ego is. So, now he can be miserable like all the rest of us who are or wer married! Good luck, Scott Hollander.

Dear Mama,
Will you please attend my wedding this month? Scott Hollander

I am afraid I cannot make it. I hear Eunice is singing Feelings at your wedding. That is enough to send this old lady over the edge. I will send the entire wedding venue some ear plugs. That will be my gift to you! By the way Scott, don’t try to wear white! We all know better! You used to run around with my daughter-in-law Naomi, both were little tramps. Dear Lord, it will be called “My Big Gay Wedding” I’m sure it will air on Lifetime next fall!!

Hey Mama,
With the election year just beginning, do you have any ideas to propose to any of the candidates? Not Signed

Well of course I do! I am old and I will tell you whether you want to hear it or not! I think there needs to be a new law introduced concerning rude jerk drivers. It will be called the “YDIDGTHOOTW.” That’s initials for “You damn idiot driver get the hell out of the way!” This item will include citations for cutting people off, running stoplights and signs, not using your turn signal, going too slow, flipping someone the bird, and texting while driving! First offense a warning, second a citation, third you get slapped in the face. The fourth and final citation you are no longer allowed to drive a vehicle of any kind and you must stand on the corner of the busiest street in your city with a sign saying you’re an idiot and do not know how to drive! That should take care of all the rude drivers! Just call me congresswoman Harper!

    Thank you all for your questions. Have a Happy Halloween and if you want to get me a question just e-mail me at Mamatharper@aol.com. And come see me in the La Cage Aux Bears DIVA show Oct. 10 at Club Boomerang! l

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