Many retrograde planets - Neptune, Uranus, Saturn, Pluto and even Mercury - conspire to turn our lazy dog days of August into something totally topsy-turvy. Hold onto your hats . . . and also your pants! Whoo hoo!
ARIES (MAR. 21 - APRIL 20)
Your entire public persona will be on stage for a grand performance, gay Ram. That means that no matter how much you plan and rehearse, there might still be some surprises on your public stage. Don’t rely on anyone except yourself and keep your dreams practical and realistic. If you are going to get hoisted on your own petards, be sure that they are clean petards.
TAURUS (APRIL 21 - MAY 21)
Queer Bulls may get their hands caught in the nookie jar now. You have a wandering eye that could get you in a bit of trouble. But that’s the fun of secretive romance, isn’t it? If you want a relaxing summer, stick to the tried and true. If you want experiences that will keep you warm in the winter months, take a calculated risk with an intriguing stranger. How strange is up to you.
GEMINI (MAY 22 - JUNE 21)
Your lofty career dreams may fly away from you, pink Twin. Try to take one step at a time up the corporate ladder rather than trying to catapult yourself over the wall. A brief affair may briefly help your career, but may leave you with just your briefs on by the end of the summer. Friends are here today and gone tomorrow. Did they go on vacation without telling you?
CANCER (JUNE 22 - JULY 23)
A dream vacation may actually become a trip to the moon on gossamer wings as a spicy encounter could bring happiness or heartburn. It is hard to tell so pack a case of Pepto and see what delights and dilemmas the world has to offer you. At least your life will not be dull! And it could change the very nature of certain relationships. Is it hot or not? It is up to you, gay Crab.
LEO (JULY 24 - AUG. 23)
Proud Lions could go head over heels for a sexy new lover. Will you follow them to the ends of the earth or capture your prey and bring them home to your den? And then what? What looks zesty today may become flat tomorrow. That is okay. Sometimes you need to take a leap of faith and try something new just to see that what you currently have is already wonderful.
VIRGO (AUG. 24 - SEPT. 23)
Spice up any humdrum relationship with some pixie dust and dreams, gay Virgin. It doesn’t matter that these dreams are fleeting and efforts short-term and impractical. It will make others happy and give you some zesty diversions in an otherwise intensely hard-charging month. Party hearty and see who boogies by. Three may not be a crowd now. Ahem.
LIBRA (SEPT. 24 - OCT. 23)
Promises regarding your job may not pan out as you expect now, proud Libra. But that doesn’t mean that you have to get surly or give up hope. In fact it is a welcome reprieve from putting in too much effort at work. Concentrate instead on home-based projects which really require your full attention. It goes beyond spring cleaning. Bring in the dump truck.
SCORPIO (OCT. 24 - NOV. 22)
Money may be fleeting, splurged or even wasted on trivialities now. And sometime this month you might blurt out inappropriate things. But this is all part of the planetary conspiracy plan to get you out of your restricting group think and expand your artistic talents. Your creativity hits a high note now, queer Scorp, even if you can’t sing.
SAGITTARIUS (NOV. 23 - DEC. 22)
It may not be the best time to start anything new or crowd catching, gay Archer. Give yourself more time to strategize and figure out all of the potholes and problems. You will need all of your attention for work and money which needs more control and sustained efforts. Or, you can bag it all and take a refreshing vacation. Hmm, what will you do? What will you do?
CAPRICORN (DEC. 23 - JAN. 20)
Your plans can become undone by someone who is an unexpected pain in the neck. But in fact, you really know who they are. Plan accordingly, pink Cap. Things will take much longer than expected, but that is a good thing. Cosmic barriers need extra planning to maneuver around. You will eventually prevail. Patience is everything . . . including frustrating.
AQUARIUS (JAN. 21 - FEB. 19)
Bosom buddies can become more trouble than they are worth now so you don’t have to ask their advice on anything important this month. And it could be you - you may say something that upturns the tables and bends some people out of shape. Keep your stronger opinions to yourself for now, Aqueerius. There is nothing to be gained. Think now. Talk much later.
PISCES (FEB. 20 - MAR. 20)
Don’t let your dreams carry you away on clouds that will soon evaporate, Guppie. You need to be more practical and suspicious, especially if your choices involve any money schemes that can cost you now and cost you also in the future. Financial decisions should be delayed if possible. If you are careful and cheap with your nest egg now, you could feast on fluffy omelets later.